Noted Dough Boy Dies

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday
of a severe yeast infection He was 71. He was buried Friday
in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of
celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the
California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the
Hostess Twinkies The graveside was piled high with flours,
as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy,
describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded".

Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was
filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie,
and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still,
even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children,
and... one in the oven. 

Tonya Harding supposedly saved an 81-year-old woman's life
at the Lost and Found Bar in Portland by performing CPR on
her (the medics said the woman had merely fainted). Says
Jay Leno: "And I guess out of force of habit she performed
mouth-to-mouth on three bikers at the pool table, too." 

I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a
few items and the lady behind me put her things on
the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items,
she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for
the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the
bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this
is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK"
and I paid her for the things and left. She had
no clue to what had just happened.....