From the Honolulu Advertiser more than 20 years ago as printed
in Ann Landers, Sunday, April 7, 1996, (slightly rephrased):

Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii
sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells
to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. Table Tennis
Team after its tour of Communist China.

The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing
the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill.

I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small tips. 
Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his 
hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an Amaj7. 

He said, "No, no. A jazz chord." 

I did a little improvisational thing, but he didn't like that either. 

"No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know, 'A jazz chord, to say, ah love you.'" 

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic.
Driving to work this morning on I-95 I look over
to my left and there's this woman in a Mustang doing
65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear
view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I look away for
a couple seconds and when I look back she's halfway
over in my lane. Scared me so bad I dropped my
electric shaver in my coffee."