Sign in a Leipzig elevator: 

    Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. 

Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having
a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their
health. However, to compensate for this, condemned men will
instead be permitted to chew a stick of celery.

My 9 year old son walked in the house one morning
(he was supposed to be waiting on the school bus)
and told me he had seen the funniest thing ever -
my dog's butt was 'frozen' to the neighbors dog's
butt.  Poor child

sent by leigh