There was once a mechanic named Bench 
               Whose best tool was a sturdy gut-wrench. 
                    With this vibrant device 
                    He could reach, in a trice, 
               The innermost parts of a wench. 

There was a young lady from Waste 
            Who fled from a man in some haste. 
                She tripped as she ran, 
                And fell flat on her pan--- 
            She sometimes still dreams that she's chaste.

There was a young lady called Valerie
Who started to count every calory
Said her boss in disgust:
"If you lose half your bust
You'll be worth only half of your salary!"

   Here I sit, I'm at a loss
   trying to shit out taco sauce.
   When it comes, I hope and pray,
   I don't blow my ass away.


  

There was an old girl of Kilkenny
Whose usual charge was a penny.
For half of that sum
You could finger her bum;
A source of amusement to many.