New scientific theories

2nd RunnerUp-  The 'Why Yawning Is Contagious' Theory: You yawn
to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so
they must yawn to even it all out.

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's 
crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at 
the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: 
disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, 
skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it 
aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her 
husband.

"A penny for your thoughts," she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can 
make a crib like that for only $46.50."

Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen? 

     That's the proper place to wash vegetables. 

The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of 
the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors 
work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to 
ICU, where therapy continues. 

In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his 
room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are 
completely well. You have the heart function that you did when 
you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We're going to send you home 
tomorrow. You don't have to worry about your heart; do any 
physical exercise that you like." 

Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his 
wife: "Doris, you'll never believe it: I'm completely well. I have no 
worries with my heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to 
make love like you've never had before, wild, passionate 
sex....you'll love it!"

Doris thinks for a minute and says, "I don't know, Sol. I've heard 
about active sex and heart conditions. I don't want it to be on 
my head if you croak while we are making love. Maybe, just 
maybe, if your doctor wrote a note to me saying that everything 
was OK... maybe I would have such sex with you...." 

Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his 
doctor's office; his doctor tells him, "Sure, sure, Sol, no 
problem, I'll write the note. Let's see, here's my prescription 
pad: "Mr. Sol Steinberg, a patient of mine, has the heart 
function of a fifteen-year-old lad and can have mad, passionate, 
adventurous sex any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron 
Katz....... Now, I'll just address this.......By the way, Sol, what's 
your wife's first name?" 

"Uh, Doctor, could you just make that, 'To Whom It May 
Concern"?

There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for
a soldier and propositioned him. 
The Salvation Army gent said, "Ma'am, you may be forgiven, 
as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you 
familiar with the concept of 'original sin'?"
The hooker replied, "Well, maybe and maybe not. But if
it's "really" original, it'll cost you an extra $20."