A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to
cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so
thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him
to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to
rent a plane and take photos from the air.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate.
He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung
the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the
air. 
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low
passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded,
"and photographers take photographs."
The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean
you're not the flight instructor?"

A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an 
aspirin down his wife's throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, 
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"Just giving you an aspirin for your headache." The bloke answered.
"But I ain't got a headache," she yelled back.
"Good then, Lets fuck!" said the bloke.

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and
registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed
water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was
very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a
penguin. 

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the 
den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"
The host said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with 
my ex-wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My ex-wife" replied the hunter.

A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having
a little chat.  "How are you, Tom?" asked Marvin.
"I'm not feeling well today - utterly exhausted," Tom replied. "I pulled a
muscle and it's killing me."
"That pulled muscle shouldn't make you so tired, though."
"Well, it does if you pull it a couple of hundred times...."