A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.
He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.
"Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist.
"No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie 
style."
"Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop."
"I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."

A Friend's Prayer

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who
screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.

Amen

Did you know Sex is a crime?

Its a misdemeanor - The more I miss de meaner I get..

Why do priests wear shorts in the shower?

They don't like to look down on the unemployed.

The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person 
thinks." 
The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the 
person."
The legs declared, "I shuld be boss since I carry the body and all the 
weight is on me."
So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.
Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."
He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him. "You, an 
asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"
The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.
The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not 
take it anymore. "Ok, ok, you're the boss!" they gave
in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.

The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need 
to be an asshole.