Three guys were sitting in a bar talking.
One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker.

After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; "You know, tomorrow is 
my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I 
figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least
like the Mercedez, and she will know that I love her."

After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied; "Well, on my last 
anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the 
Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least
like the trip, and she would know that I love her."


The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said; "Yah, well 
for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. I
figured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself."

A husband from Long Island, kissed his wife goodbye and got into his 
Cadillac to drive to work in New York City. He'd gone about a mile when
he remembered that he'd left something in the bedroom. So he turned the 
car around and drove back home.
When he walked into the bedroom, there was his wife, lying totally nude on 
the bed and the neighbor standing totally nude beside her.
The quick-thinking neighbor promptly went into a squatting position on the 
rug and said, "I'm glad you're here, Mr. Jones, because I was just telling 
you wife that if she doesn't pay the milk bill, I'm gonna shit all over 
the floor."

   YOU KNOW WHEN THE POST OFFICE IS HIRING WHEN THE FLAG OUT
   FRONT IS AT HALF MAST.
   THE POSTAL WORKERS WANT HAZZARD PAY AND WORKERS COMP FOR SLIPPING ON
   SHELL CASINGS

Good News, Bad News, Worse News VII
 
  Good: 
        The postman's early
   Bad: 
        He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
 Worse: 
        You gave him nothing for Christmas

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair 
and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber 
began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, 
firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen 
knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend 
some time in a hotel room." 

She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. 

The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay 
you the difference." 

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."