The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort
   in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy
   their two week vacation/honeymoon.
   
   The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi
   Jimmy, how ya been lover ? Long time no see."
   
   A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once
   inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?"
   
   The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please ! I'm
   going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."

How can you tell a drummer's at the door?

The knocking speeds up.

The Yugoslav news agency Tanjug reported that Yugoslavian
air defenses had shot down a NATO F-16 just after nightfall
while the jet was on a bombing run.  The plane crashed into
an empty field, creating a huge crater.  Serbian search and
rescue workers have recovered 307 bodies so far, proving
that NATO is using Albanian men, women and children terrorists
to wage their war of terror from the sky.

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with 
another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put 
his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. 
Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! 
You're not going to...to...cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, 
with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the 
garage on fire." 

The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek 
god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman 
deities -- Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-
faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or 
less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; 
Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. 
Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to 
steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres 
was held with a double-header.