I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my
wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." 

"What is she doing?" the pal asks. 

"Waiting for me to get home."

There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
They were on a cruise ship and it was heading home.  When they
got about 20 miles of shore the boat began to sink (no idea
way use your imagination).  The three girls jump off and swim
to a nearby island.  After being there a few days the brunette
tries to swim to shore.  She gets about five miles off the
island's shore and drowns. After a few days pass the redhead decides
that she will try. She gets about have way and drowns.  Now
realizing all her friends are gone she decides to try too.  Now she
swims for hours.  She gets to where she can see the shore but she
is so tired she decieds to turn around and go back.

Sent by Evan

Why do men like blonde jokes??

     Because they can understand them. 

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her 
first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She 
replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will 
childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy 
to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!" 

Fellow 1 : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the 
year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not 
only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he 
was right about that too." 

Fellow 2 : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?" 

Fellow 1 : "A judge told him."