The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly 
ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and 
forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. "Colonel!" he 
spat out. "Yes, general!" the colonel quavered. "Your troops, your 
troops," stormed the general. "They look very nice, they stand very nice, 
but they stink, man, they stink! Can't you get them to change their 
underwear?"
He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. "The general, 
yes, he's right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with 
Giovanni..." 

                   HOUSE PET

       Age         Pet

        17         roaches
        25         stoned-out college roommate
        35         Irish setter
        48         children from his first marriage
        66         Barbi

Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone
   who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for two
   weeks leave in which to get married.
   
   "But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get
   married then ?"
   
   "What and ruin my vacation ?" she whined.

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said,
"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad
news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good
news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain
transplants and there has been an accident right out front
and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever
brain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100,000.00 and the
woman's brain costs "30,000.00." 

The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a large
difference between the male and the female brain?" 

The doctor replied, "The female brain is used." 

One morning a little girl ran inside and said "Daddy, Daddy my sister and 
the man you hired last week are up on the hay loft in the barn on all that 
new hay we just bought. She has her dress up and he has his pants down. I 
think they are about to piss all over that new hay!"