One day God called the Pope, and he said "John Paul I have good news and 
bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between 
the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion". 
The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, then asked 
"What's the bad news?". God said the bad news is that I am calling from 
Salt Lake City. 

   A girl goes to the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her
   blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest.
   
   "How did you get that mark on your chest?", asks the doctor.
   
   "Oh my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never
   takes off his sweatshirt, even when we make love", she replies.
   
   A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she
   takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest.
   
   "How did you get that mark on your chest?", asks the doctor.
   
   "Oh my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never
   takes off his sweatshirt, even when we make love", she replies.
   
   A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she
   takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest.
   
   "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.
   
   She replies, "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, why do you
   ask?"
   

   Wife comes home to find the old man humping the dog in the front room.
   "My God
   Henry", she screams, "I know you've had other woman but this time
   you've gone too far!"
   "You may be right" he says, "I think I'm stuck."
   

    Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna
   And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
   ------------------------------------------------
   November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy
   pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle,
   usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the
   727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make
   a 360 in this airplane?"
   Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four
   thousand dollars worth."
   ------------------------------------------------
   November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing
   out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is
   United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go
   first."
   The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance
   to object to the impersonation.
   ------------------------------------------------
   November 8, 1996 - Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an
   exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed
   just a little too high...San Jose Tower: "American 751 Heavy, turn
   right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of
   Highway 101 back to the airport."
   ------------------------------------------------
   November 1, 1996 - Ouch! Western Airlines had a term for its second
   officers. The term was "GIB," and stood for "Guy In Back." The term
   was strictly unofficial and was actually frowned upon by the
   management at Western. It seems that some wise-guy pilot had been
   browsing through a dictionary and had made the discovery that a "gib"
   is a castrated tomcat.
   ------------------------------------------------
   October 11, 1996 - What Is That Thang? It was a really nice day, right
   about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of
   airliners in order to land at Kansas City...
   KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one
   o'clock and three miles.
   "Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
   KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven
   o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?
   "Delta 105: (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl) "Well...
   I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a
   Chevelle, though."
   ------------------------------------------------
   September 6, 1996 - Mmmm-mmm, Good! Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for
   takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
   Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... by the way,
   as we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
   the runway."
   Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
   124.7... did you copy the report from Eastern?"
   Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff... and yes, we
   copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
   ------------------------------------------------
   June 28, 1996 - No, That's not what I Said! O'Hare Approach Control:
   "United 329, traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
   United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got that
   Fokker in sight."
   What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night? "Now I
   know why you named your company Microsoft!

   A new medical study has shown that a woman's breast-feeding isn't
   adversely affected by
   aerobics. It was found, however, to be pretty distracting to guys in
   the class.