For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer,
this one is for you. An award should go to the United Airlines
gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her
point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to
fly as baggage.
A crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking
a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the
counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be
FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help
you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be
able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public
address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she
began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a
passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone
can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir,
but you'll have to stand in line for that, too!"

When the judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the courtroom. 

The police arrested a guy who claimed his name was Marvin Fuckbreak.  They
phoned his place of employ to ensure that was really his name.  The 
officer said "Do you have a Fuckbreak there?"   The person on the other 
end said "Hell no, we don't even get a coffee break!"