I was shopping and saw the Hi-C candy canes. I
thought they'd taste good so I looked at the flavors."  The box
said there were four:  Cherry, Orange, Lemon, and Green.
Green???

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights
for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a
47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed.
She got 4-1/2 years in jail. 

A lady walks in a computer store one day with a box of 5 1/2 inch disks,
says "I bought these disks and they seem to be defective."
"So", says the salesman, "what type of computer do you have?"
"An Apple," says she.
So fine, he says, and takes her over to a IIe...
"Oh, not this one," she said, "I own one of those!" And points to a Mac.
(at this point the salesman, as you do, saw where this was going, and
refused to believe it.)
"Well," says the salesman "these are 5 1/2 inch disks, they won't won't 
fit in one of those..."
"Oh, I made them fit." Says the woman.
Needless to say, she had taken a pair of scissors...