My friend Janet, who likes stealing food from me, one day became obsessed 
with my pack of Nerds (a candy).
I asked her, "Why do you keep on taking my Nerds?!"
She looked me in the eye and she said, "I like nerds."
And I was thinking, is that supposed to mean something!?

Sent by Christina

I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small tips. 
Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his 
hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an Amaj7. 

He said, "No, no. A jazz chord." 

I did a little improvisational thing, but he didn't like that either. 

"No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know, 'A jazz chord, to say, ah love you.'" 

   Women ! Who can figure 'em out ? Now that the kids are grown and gone,
   my wife sez she needs more "outside interests". I thought I'd surprise
   her and presented her with a brand new fancy lawn mower, just the
   other day.
   
   Now, she's mad with me.