I have the oldest typewriter in the world.  It types in pencil.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on; it is
never of any use to oneself.
        --Oscar Wilde

Karaoke is Japanese for "Tone Deaf"

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man;
   if you want anything done, ask a woman."
   --- Margaret Thatcher

We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur. 

    - Dan Quayle, Former U.S. Vice-President