"... diamonds are forever, but _oranges_... are for half-time..."
                        -- Flacco, DAAS Kapital

  "When you prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned
  results which follow victory.... [God] commandeth me to put it into
  words.  Listen!

  ".... O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody
  shreds with our shells... help us to drown the thunder of the
  guns with the shrieks of the wounded, writhing in pain; help us to
  lay waste their homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring
  the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help
  us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander
  unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and
  thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter,
  broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge
  of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord,
  blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage,
  make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the
  white snow with the blood of their wounded feet!  We ask it, in the
  spirit of love, of Him who is the Source of Love, and Who is the 
  ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and
  seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts.  Amen."

      --Mark Twain (Samuel L. Clemens) 1835-1910; "The War Prayer,"
        from _Europe and Elsewhere_

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
   They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
         Rita Rudner

"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day.
At my age I have to hold on to something." 

George Burns.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
   Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
   because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
   forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live
   forever.
   -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest