"Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I
       woke up the pillow was gone." -- Tommy Cooper

true patriotism:

"`Say what you like about my bloody murderous government,' I says, `but don't
insult me poor bleedin' country.'"

--Edward Abbey

When two's company, three's the result!

"Television - a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor
       well-done." -- Ernie Kovacs

"What is the difference between apathy and ignorance?
 I don't know and I don't care."
                        -- World Entertainment War