"Don't be so humble - you are not that great. " 
    - Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat 

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
   How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose
   around your neck?"
   --- Linda Ellerbee

"Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother." 

     - Ferengi Rule of Acquisition Number 31, Deep Space Nine 

What do you mean, funny?  Funny-peculiar
or funny-ha-ha?
                                -- Ian Hay, THE HOUSEMASTER,
                                   Act III (1936).

"I'm tired, my eczema is making life damn uncomfortable, I've just been
 rejected by two women in one day and I can't find my copy of Undertow."
                        -- me (Bad hair day. Or Something.)