"Our policy is to first seek candidates from within the company. If none is
 qualified, you must use a sock puppet."
                        -- Catbert, Evil Human Resources Director

"The full use of your powers along lines of excellence. " 
    - definition of "happiness" by John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) 

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you.  This is the principle difference between man and dog.

"hppt:\\\\"
                        -- Clueless spam mail at it's worst

"A bald nun, a gay lawyer, and a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast walk into a
 bar.  The bartender says, 'This has got to be the weirdest joke I've
 ever been in...'"
                        -- Fruvous of FurryMuck, via rec.humor.funny