Dr. Seuss's Technical Manual



 What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Writing?

 Here's an easy game to play.
 Here's an easy thing to say:

 If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
 And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
 And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
 Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

 If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
 And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
 And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
 Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!

 You can't say this?
 What a shame sir!
 We'll find you
 Another game sir.

 If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
 Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
 But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
 That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,

 And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
 So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
 Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
 'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

 When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
 And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
 Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
 Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

There once was a gangster named Brown,
The wiliest bastard in town.
He was caught by the G-men
Shooting his semen
Where the cops would all slip and fall down. 

                            Ten Little Gigabytes
     
   
Ten little gigabytes, waiting on line
one caught a virus, then there were nine.

Nine little gigabytes, holding just the date,
someone jambed a write protect, then there were eight.

Eight little gigabytes, should have been eleven,
then they cut the budget, now there are seven.

Seven little gigabytes, involved in mathamatics
stored an even larger prime, now there are six.

Six little gigabytes, working like a hive,
one died of overwork, now there are five.

Five little gigabytes, trying to add more
plugged in the wrong lead, now there are four.

Four little gigabytes, failing frequently,
one used for spare parts, now there are three.

Three little gigabytes, have too much to do
service man on holiday, now there are two.

Two little gigabytes, badly over run,
took the work elsewhere, now just need one.

One little gigabyte, systems far too small
shut the whole thing down, now there's none at all.
  

A newlywed couple from Goshen 
               Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean. 
                    In twenty-eight days 
                    They got laid eighty ways--- 
               Imagine such fucking devotion. 

Chaos reigns within.

Reflect, repent, and reboot.

Order shall return.