A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down
a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn't
you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.
"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the
Indians

Application For Permission To Date My Daughter

       Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete 
financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.

 Name:______________________________________________________
                              Date of Birth:________________
 Height:_____________________
                Weight:______
                              IQ:___________________________
                                           GPA:_____________
 Social Security Number:_____
                              Driver's License Number:______
 Boy Scout Rank:_____________
                              Telephone:____________________
 Home Address:______________________________________________
 City:_______________________
                              State:________________________
                                           Zip:_____________


 

   1.Do you have one male and one female parent?  ____
     If "No", explain:


   2.Number of years your parents have been married:  ____
     Any brothers or sisters?  ____
     Are they normal?  ____

   3.Do you own or have access to a van?  ____
     A truck with oversize tires?  ____
     A waterbed?  ____

   4.Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____ 

   5.Do youi have a tattoo? ____

     If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.

   6.In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you?




   7.In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?




   8.In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you?




   9.In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you?




  10.Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________

     How often do you attend: ____________________________

  11.When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________


  12.Please fill in the blanks: 

        a.If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________

        b.If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________

        c.A woman's place is in the ____________________________

        d.The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________

        e.When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________

          Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and
          running in a serpentine fashion is advised 


  13.What do you want to be if you grow up?


 

I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of 
death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse.

Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________



Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 
years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never 
apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.

This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good 
proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and 
practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork
in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music 
starts playing!
". . . On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again...". 
The guy really freaks out! He runs and gets the M.A. and drags the poor 
guy back to the table. "Look!" he says, and pulls the cork out again,
". . . On the road again . . ."
The M.A. is totally unimpressed..."So what?" he says. "Isn't that the
most amazing thing you've ever seen?", the guy asked.
"Are you kidding?" says the M.A. "Any asshole can sing country music!" 

Why did the pervert cross the road?

He had his dick stuck in the chicken.

What would you rather be, a light bulb or a bowling ball?

Depends on whether you'd rather be screwed of fingered.