This rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the
   house decided to
   give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home
   very late and he
   should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn't
   having a good time at the
   party, and came home early.As she walks into the house she sees Jeeves
   sitting by himself
   in the dining room. She calls for him to follow her. She leads him
   into the master bedroom,
   where she closes and locks the door. She looks at him and smiles.
   "Jeeves. Take off
   my dress." He does this carefully. "Jeeves. Take off my stockings and
   garter." He
   silently obeys her. "Jeeves. Remove my bra and panties." As he does
   this, the tension
   continues to mount. She looks at him. "Jeeves. If I ever catch you
   wearing my clothes
   again, you're fired!"
   

How to Hunt Elephants -- QA Style

Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look
for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing
the jeep.

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them
in the dark until they mature into something you'd want
to have dinner with.

    The Wisdom of Youth Never give up because life gets harder
   as you get older.
   After preschool the road of life keeps getting bumpier and bumpier and
   bumpier. Angela Martin, age 11
   Never blow in a cat's ear because if you do, usually after three or
   four times, they will bite your lips! And they don't let go for at
   least a minute. Lisa Coburn, age 9
   Don't think life is easy, because when you get older it is hard work.
   I used to think life was easy, now I have to do the dishes every other
   day. Nick Coleman, age 9
   Take risks. I mean, if you like this person and you don't know if they
   like you, ask them out and see what happens. I liked this girl and I
   asked her out. She said no and she hates me now, but I took that risk.
   Bruce Wagner, age 13
   A realist is more correct about things in life than an optimist. But
   the optimist seems to have more friends and much more fun. Megan, age
   14
   When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with
   atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with
   explosions. When people run around and around in circles we say they
   are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. Rainbows are
   just to look at, not to really understand. Someday we may discover how
   to make magnets that can point in any direction. A vibration is a
   motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go. Many
   dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to
   be oil. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you
   don't why you should. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to
   let them know we know they're there. Some oxygen molecules help fires
   burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against
   brother.

A bloke came home and found his missus in bed with three blokes.
"Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed at them.
"Aren't you talking to me?" his missus snapped.