When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget? 

When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells. 

One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the 
house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband 
was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and 
started to masturbate.
She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband 
walked in, she was writhing in the middle of the living room floor.
He glanced through the mail and said to his wife, "Honey, when you're 
finished vacuuming the floor, could you get started on dinner?"

So it seems that these four rabbis had a series of theological 
arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. 
One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority 
rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided 
to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and 
they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his 
prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It 
rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I 
knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm 
clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to 
show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a 
bigger sign!"  This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed 
toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning 
slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.

"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted 
that nothing had happened that could not be explained by 
natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a *very big* sign, but just 
as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth 
shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S 
RIIIIIIIGHT!"

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, 
and said, "Well?"

"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2." 

What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole? 

     A 40ft cock that wants to reach out and touch someone. 

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken 
apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" 
replied by his mother The young boy answered " The other day, Daddy was
talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off 
his secretary."