One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate 
trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on 
shore.  Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold 
a genie popped out.
"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said.  "Since you have released me, 
I will grant you one wish."
"Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, 
and I want to look my best.  I wish you would get rid of these love 
handles."
"Your wish is my command," said the genie.  A wave of his hands, a puff of 
smoke...
And her ears promptly fell off.

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the 
radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The 
state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an 
empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you 
been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good 
Lord, He's done it again!"

She: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?

He: Your sense of humor.

   A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road
   strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a
   cloud of feathers.
   
   Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A
   farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed
   your rooster, please allow me to replace him."
   
   "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."
   

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same 
sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both 
manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. 
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to 
bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly 
pass me another blanket." 

The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better 
idea... let's pretend we're married." 

"Why not?" giggles the woman. 

"Good," he replies.  "Get your own blanket."