During an Army war game, a commanding officer's
jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men
lounging around nearby and asked them to help
him get unstuck. 

"Sorry sir," said one of the loafers, "but we've
been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't
contribute in any way." 

The C.O. turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a
couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them
under the wheels to give us some traction."

A horse wanders into a bar and orders a tall one.
The bartender says, "Hey fella, why the long face?" 

An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your
religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever tasted it?

The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...
I know you're suposed to be celibate. But...."

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed
once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he
was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?" 

A minister was asked by a politician,
"Name something the government can do to help the church."

The minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."

More cool than funny, but... 

racecar <===> racecar 
drawer <===> reward 
repaid <===> diaper 
straw <===> warts 
evian <===> naive [there's a message here, I think!] 
smug <===> gums 
star <===> rats 
step <===> pets 
step on <===> no pets