A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a
robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to
the bartender,
"This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" 

The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" 
The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" 
The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! 
I'll do whatever you say!" 
The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and 
says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!" 
"Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!" 
The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited,
he drops the gun. 
The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back
to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends
might walk in!" 

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orang-utang was reading 
two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's
keeper or my keeper's brother."

This joke has been done 50 (yes, 50) years ago by my father-in-law.

First, a little background:

He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the St-Laurent
river. In those days, toilets were located outside the house in what
we call in good ol' french canadian 'becosse', from 'back house' I think.
These are a little wood shack with no floor over a hole in the ground
where you ... You can guess.

Now, for the joke:

He and a friend were thrown out of a party by the doorman.

When it was really dark,, the doorman went to investigate what was
knocking at the window. They had suspended a rock to the window
frame so it hung right it the middle and tied another string
to the rock and hid behind the 'becosse' where they pulled
that second string to make the rock knock in the window.
That's an old trick. The doorman wouldn't fall for that one. So
he followed the second string in the dark
and soon concluded that they were hidding behind the 'becosse'.

He ran toward the merely visible wood structure...

But my father-in-law and his friend had taken care of moving the
shack six feet ... Boy he fell in the shit !!
  

How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
They all gather around their cash registers and sing
"What a Friend We Have In Jesus..." 

Why can't a man eat like a bird?

Have you ever tried to pick up food with your pecker?

Sent by Chris