Heard about Salman Rushdie's sequels to "Satanic Verses"?

                         1) Buddha, you Fat Fucking Bastard,
                         2) Jesus was a Lousy Carpenter.

The South Takes a Cue from Oakland 



Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California and
Massachusetts. "Ebonics," a neologism created by combining "Ebony" and "phonics," is supposed 
to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass.

Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called "Bubbonics!" Created from mixing "Bubba"
and "phonics," we too have an entirely separate language from English. Like Ebonics, Bubbonics 
has a slightly different alphabet and different pronunciations from standard English. For 
example, the English language includes the letter "L" although Bubbonics does not. Likewise, 
vowel pronunciation in Bubbonics is different from English pronunciation.

Take, for example, the following sentences in English, and their translation into Bubbonics:

Can I help you?
Kin ah hip ewe?

Hi, I'm Don Fowler.
Hah, ahm Dahn Fah-wah.

The discerning English speaker quickly notices that Bubbonics has fewer vowel sounds than 
English, and the primary vowel sound is "ah." The letters A and E are generally replaced with 
the sound of a short i.

For the advanced scholar, there are actually many interesting comparisons between Ebonics and
Bubbonics. Indeed, there have even been suggestions that Ebonics is actually a degraded form 
of Bubbonics, which is itself a degraded form of English. Consider the following statement in
Bubbonics and their counterparts in Ebonics:

Ah axed ewe a quest-shun.
I axed you a question, sukka.

Ah be smaht.
I be smarts now.

Hooked ahn Bahbahnics wukks fuh me.
Hooked on 'bonics be wukking fo me.

If you're a native English speaker, and you can read the writing on the wall, then you know 
that your native tongue is soon to be as dead as Latin, spoken only in weird rituals or taught 
to kids in prep school.

And if you're a native English speaker and you CAN'T read the writing on the wall, it's 
probably already in Bubbonics or Ebonics, and you're just that far behind.

Gracefully surrender the things of your youth. Clean air. Tuna. Taiwan. The English language. 
And remember: Bilingual Education means teaching kids to be illiterate in two languages.

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?' 

The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for
about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!' 

The interviewer tries another straightforward one
to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, 
please?' 

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring
tape from her handbag. She then traps one end
under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces,
'Five foot two!' 

This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for
the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our
records, your name please?' 

The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying, 'Mandy!' 

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so
he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand
your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
were you doing when we asked you your name?' 

'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running
through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....'' 

A couple just moved into hotel. And the hotel clerk asks the 
man after helping him with his luggage.

- Anything else? 

- NO, thanks, 

- Maybe, your wife needs something ? 

- Oh, yeah. Thank you for your reminder. Do you sell greeting 
cards ? 

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for 
HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at 
their age, the old man said,"Well, we heard on TV that people should be 
tested after annual sex!"