What do they call condoms in Germany?

Weinerhosen 

Humor story by Larry Graves

Website: http://www.gravetimes.com                                                    

MY TWO "DELICATE" OPERATIONS



A few years ago, I had two operations in the space of a couple of 

months. These were not major operations. Although for most men, I 

believe they would prefer triple heart bypass surgery instead... No man 

alive has ever looked forward to either of these operations. In fact, I can 

guarantee you the following statements have never been said by any 

man in existence:



 #1    "Oh good, today is my vasectomy!"

 #2    "Oh good, I'm finally getting the circumcision I've always wanted!"



Yes, dear readers, 1990 was not a good year for a member of the family. 

My member, my private part, my willy, my manhood, my good luck charm 

I carry wherever I go.



First I will tell you about the vasectomy. (I hope you have strong 

stomachs.) Men who know I've had this delicate operation always ask 

me how bad it is. I tell them the truth. Except for the unbearable pain and 

embarrassment, it's not bad at all. The embarrassment of laying on the 

operating table as the doctor strolls in, so cocksure. (Pun very much 

intended...) Let's just say,it was very uncomfortable when the doctor 

lifted up the blanket to look at his next job. Very perturbed, he stated "Mr. 

Graves, in order to have a vasectomy, you have to have a penis." I 

assured the doctor that it was there. I pointed to the very spot it was 

located. The doctor sighed heavily and murmured "I can't see dick all!" 

As the doctor tried to control his anger, he asked his nurse to bring in a 

microscope. After searching for a few minutes, he located what he 

believed to be my manhood (okay, boyhood...) I could be imagining 

things but I swear I heard some discussion about contacting the 

Guinness Book of World Records. 



The operation honestly wasn't too bad. It was actually the constant
laughter during the operation which caused me the most pain. When the 

vasectomy was completed, I was thrown a couple of pain killers and told 

I could go home. Very gingerly I walked out of the hospital. My legs 

spread apart as far as possible as I shuffled towards the parking lot. 

Needless to say, everyone who saw me knew what operation I had just 

had. As people gawked and pointed at me, I felt like a real dick. 



The circumcision was basically the same, except I was knocked out for 

the operation. When I awoke from the operation, I felt like I was  being 

woken up from the dead. I looked down at "it" and noticed it was in 

some kind of cast. I started to have visions of girls wanting to sign my 

cast. Silly dreamer I am... Being the comedian I am, I asked the nurse if 

they had enlarged it for me. She stared at me in shock and said "I don't 

think so."





                                    Another dream shattered...


sent by Larry Graves


  

Did you hear that Clinton has announced there is a new national bird? 

The spread eagle. 

A Psychiatrist is just a Jewish doctor who can't stand the sight of blood.

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand 
still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and 
kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was 
astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the 
corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"