A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a 
beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve 
beer.)  The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the 
jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"  The German fellow felt 
pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look, 
and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."

This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get 
ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, 
and says, "I'll be home in an hour." 

"Perfect," she replies.

The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him 
to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and 
waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no 
wife? 

She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I 
won't be there for about an hour and a half." 

The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I 
do?" he asks. 

The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you 
have a housekeeper around?" 

"Yes" the man replied. 

"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said 
the Doctor. 

The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra 
with the housekeeper..."

This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm 
needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't 
read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window. 
She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, "Madam, I don't 
repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions." 
She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?"
And he says, "And what should I have in my window?"
 

Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam?

     She wasn't used to the front seat! 

Why did she finally pass her test?

     She took the examiner with her. 

I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.