So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of 
North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that 
since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send 
them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer 

-- and be the butt of any joke on the internet.

Q: Why do tampons have string?
A: So you can floss after eating.

A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minor
heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his 
cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The
cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your 
heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll
be the best thing you can do for your recovery."
So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what
the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's 
wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."

Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls 
down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes 
running into the room wondering what's going on. He tells his mother 
"Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better."

"Johnny you are getting more and more like your father everyday."
His mother says.

A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and
tells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever
since his wife died.
The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the
pig is a male or female.
"No! I'm not doing it anymore!" says the farmer. "And the pig is a
female, of course. What the hell do you think I am -- a goddam queer?