Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American
   Indians. After a
   tour of a reservation, she asked a Brave,who had only one feather in
   his headdress, "Why
   the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses?" His
   reply was, "Me have only
   one sqaw, me have only one feather." She asked another Brave, feeling
   the first fellow
   was only joking. This Brave had four feathers in his headdress. He
   replied, "Ugh; me
   have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws." Still not
   convinced the number of
   feathers indicated the number of sqaws involved, she decided to
   interview the Chief.
   Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers, which, needless to
   say, amused Ms.
   Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in
   your headdress?"
   The Chief proudly pounded his chest and said, "Me Chief. Me fuck-em
   all. Big, small, fat,
   tall. Me fuck-em all." Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, "You ought to be
   hung!" The Chief
   replied, "You damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like
   snake." Ms. Walters
   cried, "You don't have to be so goddamned hostile!" The Chief replied,
   "Hoss-style, dog-
   style, wolf-style, any-style, me fuck-em all!" With tears in her eyes,
   Ms. Walters cried,
   "Oh dear." The Chief said, "No deer. Me no fuck deer. Asshole too high
   and fuckers run
   too fast. No fuck deer!"
   

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office.  Was it
true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the
doctor  had prescribed was for the rest of her life?
She was told that it was.
There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, 
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is.  This 
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after 
staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, 
walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began 
fondling her. 

She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought 
you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she 
screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

What's a transvestite's idea of a good time? 

Eat, drink, and be Mary!

Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.