I was sitting behind a car at a stop light the other day and I noticed that
it had a bumper sticker that read "Honk if you love Jesus". So I thought
about it a bit and since I loved Jesus, I honked my horn.

I was very suprised when the driver of the car got out and yelled, "The
light is still red you asshole!!!!" got back in the car and drove off
through the light which had just turned green. 

State Trooper on the NYS Thruway (I90) gave me a ticket 
the other day.  Speeding?  No.
     I was driving in the Granny lane (slow) and the Trooper 
pulled up beside me.  I hit a pheasent that stepped into the 
road from the shoulder.  Flew across the lane, hit the 
Trooper's windshield and broke it.
     The Trooper gave me the ticket for flipping him the bird.

A LITTLE-KNOWN CHRISTMAS FACT:


One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was 

getting ready for his annual trip ... but there were problems

everywhere.

	      

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not

produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to

feel the pressure of being behind schedule. 

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.

	     

This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the

reindeer,  he found that three of them were about to give

birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

	 

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and

the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. 

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot  of whiskey. When he

went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hid the liquor

and there was nothing to drink. 

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all

over the kitchen floor.

	      

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the

straw it was made from. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed

on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little

angel with a great big Christmas tree.

	      

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa.

Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't

it just a  lovely tree?

	 

Where would you like me to stick it?"

	      

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the

Christmas tree.


Sent by Neicey