Heard from a tourbus driver in Washington DC earlier today: 
 
        Had you heard that Socks the Cat died last night?
 
        Yeah, he climbed into bed between Bill and Hillary 
        and froze to death.

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked
the manager what had happened. He told me that the
driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in
the back to make a sandwich.

On Campus:
"In a rare lapse of generosity, the NCAA has decided college
athletes can get jobs. This statement was sent via ship-to-shore
cable from the NCAA yacht SS TV Revenue anchored off Monte Carlo." 

"Athletes just can't make it anymore on what alumni give them," says Alan Ray.