I started a new job the other day, and while riding the elevator,
noticed a sign which read (THIS IS NOT MADE-UP):

        "If elevator should malfunction or doors not open, 
        don't be alarmed.  Please press the alarm button."

Is it just me, or does anybody else find this outrageously funny?

This one lady was telling the judge how her husband was 
abusive to her on several occasions and how fearful she was for 
her life.  She was seeking a restraining order.  The judge 
granted the order.  The bailiff asked if she needed an escort to 
her car, since her husband was in the courtroom with her. She 
said, 'No, he's my ride home.'

I recently attended a meeting of the International Singles Club here in 
Silicon Valley. I met a Chinese woman who was a dentist. She had perfect 
teeth, which started me thinking: All dentists from all cultures 
apparently have perfect teeth. So, I am looking for a gynecologist for my 
next girlfriend.