Lieutenant Colonel Rick Francona served as lead military translator during
America's negotiations with the Iraqis at the end of the Gulf War:

"Good morning, sir," Francona told an arriving Iraqi general one day. "I 
am Major Francona from General Norman Schwarzkopf's staff. If you will 
step out of the car, I will take you to meet the general, and we can 
begin."

When the general remained motionless, recalcitrantly glowering, Francona
leaned in closer and rephrased his request in Arabic slang: "Get out of 
the car, f---face."

The negotiations began shortly thereafter.

For many years I worked as a police dispatcher. Well, one 
day I got a call from a lady, very upset because a man was 
driving around a Walmart parking lot exposing himself. 
Well, I was very professional and took all the information 
and was starting to hang up when she added how upset she 
was by the whole thing and "besides, if they want to take 
those little things out and play with them, they ought to 
stay home." Needless to say I lost it at that point, 
sputtering out "Yes m'am" and hung up the phone.  

Sent by Laura

In a classified ad: 

    "For rent: Six room hated apartment."