"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act."
       -- Truman Capote

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"You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label." 

Mark Twain.

There is not a man in America who at one time or another
hasn't had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

     - W. C. Fields 

"I am an expert of electricity.
My father occupied the chair of applied electricity
at the state prison." 

WC Fields.