Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. 

    - Ruth Gordon

Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women,
sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex
is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can
be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are
like fire. They're very excited, but the conditions have
to be exactly right for it to occur. 

    - Jerry Seinfeld 

"... powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a nerf ball..."
                        -- Homer Simpson

"Keyboard Error - Press  to continue"
                        -- PC BIOS error message

"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being
stoned to death with popcorn." 

Fulton Sheen.