"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money
I could have invaded some country."

Clint Eastwood.

"I hacked into Microsoft, and all I got was this lousy source code."

When doctors and undertakers meet, they always wink at each other.

     - W. C. Fields 

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think
of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

                                           - Roseanne

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
   word you say, talk in your sleep.