Handy guide to modern science:
If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were
arguing as to which profession was older.
     "Well," argued the doctor, "without a
physician mankind could not have survived, so I am
sure that mine is the oldest profession."
     "No," said the engineer, "before life began
there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer
to create some semblance of order from this chaos.
So engineering is older."
     "But," chirped the triumphant politician,
"who created the chaos?"

The following statements were found on patient's charts
   during a recent review of medical records. These statements were
   written by various health care professionals including (we're afraid)
   a doctor or two at several major hospitals:
   "The lab test indicated abnormal lover function."
   "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized."
   "The skin was moist and dry."
   "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch."
   "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
   1989 when she got a divorce."
   "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane
   ran out of gas and crashed."
   "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
   therapy."
   "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle,
   who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "Bleeding
   started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles."
   "Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation."
   "She is numb from her toes down."
   "Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot."
   "While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
   The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as
   stockbroker instead."
   "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room."
   "Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his
   family in no distress."

Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship
that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.

Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed
of what she was doing.

Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed
of what they were doing.

Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamed
of what they were doing. 

What has four asses?

Eight half assed politicians.