What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

A straight guy and a gay are in the men's room and the straight guy has 
his shirt unbuttoned exposing a heavy coat of chest hair. The gay asked 
how he came to have so much hair on his chest. He said, "I put Vaseline
on it every night." That night the gay put Vaseline on his chest and went 
to bed. His partner George said, "What in the hell is that?" "It's to grow 
hair." he replied. "Bull shit!" said George. "If Vaseline grew hair...I'd 
have tail a mile long!

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when
it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls
underneath to investigate the problem.
"Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey
Wrench." He says.
He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off
in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and
several small black children playing in the yard.

The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey
Wrench?"

"What?" She yells back.

"A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams.

"What?"

"MONKEY WRENCH!!?...MONKEY WRENCH!!?"

"Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as 
their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.
They hear her say, "Oh, Jim, you're going where no man has gone before!"
The six-year-old says to his brother, "He must be fucking her up the ass!"

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he 
have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he 
wouldn't make it through the night. So the person calls for his lawyer and 
asks him to come and sit by his bed. Right before the person dies, the 
lawyer asks him why did he want him next to him. The dying person replied, 
"When Jesus died, he had a thief next to him and I want to go the same 
way."