The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, "Where do babies come 
from?" Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time 
she replies, "From the stork of course!" The little guy thinks for a few
seconds and then asks, "But mom, who fucks the stork?" 

What do the Pope and the Giants have in common?

Both cram 30,000 fans in a stadium and end up saying JESUS CHRIST!!

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach 
notice a mermaid sitting on a rock.  The Englishman 
approaches her and says 'Have you ever been kissed?' No 
says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a 
while the Scotchman approaches her and says 'Have you ever 
been fondled?'. She says no and he fondles her, much to her 
delight.  After onother while the irishman approaces her 
and asks 'Have you ever been fucked?.  she says no. 'Well 
you are fucked now because the tide's gone out.

A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up 
to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on 
her breath. He says, "I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test 
to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the 
balloon and he walks over to the police car.
After a couple of minutes comes back and says, "It looks like you've had a 
couple of stiff ones." She replies "You mean it shows that, too?"

A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal.
The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
"What animal is this?" she asked. 
"A cat!" said Eddie.
"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"
"A dog!" said Eddie.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a
Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,
"It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard," called out Eddie.