The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone 
call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten 
himself into quite a fix.

"See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from 
the movies we found them stuck together."

"I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't 
worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time."

Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? 

     - In real life, men aren't affectionate in bed. 

Sister Margaret died and through some error found herself in hell. 
She immediately called Saint Peter and said, 

"This is Sister Margaret. There's been a terrible mistake!" 

She explained the situation, and Saint Peter said he'd get right on
it. The next day the nun didn't hear from Saint Peter so she called him 
again. "Please set this error straight before tomorrow," she begged. 

"There's an orgy planned for tonight, and everyone *must* attend!" 

"Of course, Sister," he said. "I'll get you out of there right away." 

Apparently, her plight slipped his mind, and the following morning 
Saint Peter received another phone call from hell. He picked up 
the receiver with tribulations of his heart and started to listen.

He heard the following, "Hey, Pete, this is Maggie. Never mind!"

I heard on the news last night that Bill Gates and his wife are expecting 
a baby in June.

I'm betting the baby will be late.

One day a lady went to the doctor's office and told the doctor
that her husband wasn't interested in her any more he just
wouldn't have sex with her anymore.
So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of
100 pills. He told her that "if you give your husband one of
these pills then he would have sex with you." 
So she bought the pills and took them home. She put one in his
dinner and he ate it. They had sex till midnight. The next day
she thought it was so good that she wanted some more. so she put
two in his dinner and they had sex till twelve noon the next day.
She thought it was so good that she put all of the pills in his
dinner and he ate it.
Three weeks later a little kid was outside screaming and a guy
walked up to him and asked him what was wrong. The little kid
said, "My mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my asshole hurts
and my dad is in there on the floor saying, 'here kitty kitty
kitty...'"