A young lady walks into a doctors office. "Doctor I'm suffering from a 
terrible discharge" The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a 
good probe around and says "how does that feel?" Young lady, "Oooh doctor 
that feels lovely..... ...but the discharge is from my ear!!"

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in 
love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never 
achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they 
decide to ask the rabbi. 
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the 
following suggestion.
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have 
the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and 
should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man 
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and 
she is still unsatisfied.  Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make 
love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed 
with the wife and the husband waves the towel.  The young man gets to work 
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking 
screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,  
"You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

   Stolen Car
   A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his
   hand. A cop on the
   beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?" "Yesssh!
   Sssshomebody ssshtole
   my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was your car the last
   time you saw it?"
   "It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if
   a bit too literally. About
   this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being
   exhibited for all the
   world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are
   exposing yourself?"
   The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans "OHHH
   GOD . . . they
   got my girlfriend too!!!"
   

How is a woman like a road? 

    -Both have manholes. 

Some cows view each day as the last roundup,
others, merely as another opportunity to stampede.
Most cows view the new day as an exciting new opportunity
to eat grass and point in the same direction as the other cows.