What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky's
wardrobe?

When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.

Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like 
you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was 
wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees." 
"It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about screwing. What I would 
like to know is how to make lasagna." 

Did you hear that all the toilets at the police station were stolen? 

Yeah...the cops got nothing to go on.

An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small 
town.  One day she went to the local grocery store and while 
she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her 
clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her 
garden, shaved her cat and then left when he couldn't find 
any money.  Well, a couple of hours later the old laty got 
home and when she saw what had happened to her house she 
immediately called the police. When the officer on the other 
end answered the phone and asked her what the problem was 
she simply replied "yes officer someone broke into my house, 
took my clothes off, squeezed my melons, and shaved my 
pussy.

Sent by BIG GUY

Tourist guide at zoo: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the
largest animal to roam the lands.  Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen 
bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits.  
Madam, please don't stand near the elephant's backside.... Madam, PLEASE 
don't stand near the elephant's backside ... MADAM ... MADAM ..., too 
late;  George, dig her out."