So one sperm says to the other "When do we get to the ovaries?"

The other replies "Ovaries! We're not even past the throat yet!" 

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.
If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.
If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

What did God say after creating man? 

     "I can do better" 

What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex? 

Fill his water bed with gasoline. 

Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch.

Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

Indian: Dog no talk.

Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going?

Dog: Doin alright.

Indian: [extreme look of shock]

Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]

Dog: Yep

Cowboy: How's he treat you?

Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me
to the lake once a week to play.

Indian: [look of disbelief]

Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?

Indian: Horse no talk.

Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?

Horse: Cool.

Indian: [extremer look of shock]

Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]

Horse: Yep

Cowboy: How's he treat you?

Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

Indian: [total look of amazement]

Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep?

Indian: Sheep Lie!!