A man went to his dentist because he feels something
wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says,
"that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is
eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all
I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made
some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was
delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put
it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem.
Hollindaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is
highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make
you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why
chrome?" asks the patient. 

To which the dentist replies,
"It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like
chrome for the Hollandaise!"

A son comes to his dad and says:
- Dad, i gotta tell you something
- Ok, Quick and clear!
- 100 bucks

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests 
came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks 
great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at 
peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get up
in the middle of the  night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to the
bathroom and then poof! the light goes off!"
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith,  'That's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he 
said, "George is  just fine.  Physically he's great. But I had to call you
because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.  Is it true that he gets 
up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then 
poof! The light goes off?"
Thelma replied, "Oh God!  He's peeing in the fridge again!"

A young couple were married and celebrated their first night
together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all
night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the
bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When
she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing
his body for the first time to his bride.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped
and stared and she asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small
part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's
what we had so much fun with last night."

And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?" 

        one time in my undergrad days, it was snowing like mad
        out. someone decided it was time a make a snowball. then
        someone else suggested that we should put this snowball in
        this one guy's room-- nobody liked this guy-- so when the
        word got around, half the people in our dorm section came
        out and help! we got this sucker so BIG that it must be
        at least 4 feet in diameter. it took about 6 person to haul
        the darn thing up 3 flights of stairs. we got the snowball
        into this guy's room while he was out, turn off the heat in
        the room and left all the windows open, so the snowball
        won't melt too fast. well... the turkey came back 3 hours
        later and found a HUGH snowball sitting in the middle of his
        room, and started melting! I still have the picture of the
        snowball. (if you really wonder how big the snowball is,
        just imagine a snowball the size of a normal dinning room
        chair!)