Brian received a phone call:
  "HI, I'm phoning on behalf of the ????? Children's Workshop 
where we can help you with special offers, ....etc"
  I interrupted her and informed her that I didn't have any 
children.
  "Do you have any grandchildren???", she then asked.

She got so technophobic that [when] I gave her a digital
alarm clock for Christmas, she gave it back to me. 
          -- President Clinton, from his speech on Y2K in 
December 1998 in which he describes Hillary's request for a
wind-up clock that won't fail on Jan. 1, 2000.

SIGN INSIDE OF LIFEBOAT:

        "Some wetness is normal.  If submersion occurs, move arms
        in a swimming motion."