In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one 
exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in 
places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space
for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned
with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her dead.

Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax
after that!"
Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone
saw that."
(BBC)