There was an old maid in Van Nuys Who went crazy from making mud pies. She would fill them with farts And pickled beef-hearts, And bake them between her fierce thighs.
Oh, pity the Duchess of Kent! Her cunt is so dreadfully bent, The poor wench doth stammer, "I need a sledgehammer To pound a man into my vent."
Once a pirate named Yates Danced the jig for all of his mates. He slipped in his cutlas, And made himself nutless, And now he's quite useless on dates.
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